Writing on this mac book again feels odd. While the bottom grill is certainly the same, it's the only thing... two new logic boards (first one died...), a new optical drive, new hard drive, new ram, new screen... shit, it's like that film Freaky Friday, where the young chick's mind gets put into that of the menopausal old mother...
Anyways, if you hadn't guessed. I'm back. And in all sincerity, I'm abit of a changed man.
I've been somewhat jaded since Christmas. I've felt like a bit of a shadow of myself. I stopped caring about design and everything seemed to be going to shit. Then the pen-ultimate steps to me stepping back lied in the vigorous poisoning of myself with alcohol and the death of this machine. I instantly began to freak out about my life choices and in doing so, I learned a lot about myself.
I learned that I've put a lot of pressure on myself over the past 5 years since I first began treading the dusty trail of graphic design. I've also put up alot of walls as to what I wanted to with my life, and in all honesty, it was kinda crushing me from the inside. I began to be a dick to people I cared about and just couldn't focus on anything other than stressing over design. It lost all sense of fun and I felt abandoned. The only way I can really describe it is it felt like I'd lost all belief.
Which, for those around me (and hopefully they will agree) is about as Anti-me as yo can possibly get. I always try to stay positive, even if I do whine lots about the most trivial decisions. Well, that's kinda changed. I've been itching to write a manifesto of sorts what I believe for a while and hell, I might do it this weekend. I need a good, long systematic rant about how I feel about myself and my roll within design.
But to keep this simple, I'm going to try to evolve past myself. I'm going to try to be less arrogant. I want to be more forward focused, thinking about what's ahead but while keeping my head in the now. I want to complain less, sleep more and generally enjoy life. The timetable is getting typed up after these deadlines and it's going to be set in stone... going to buy a few items to make sure I stick to this new fangled work ethic (On air sign for the door so people know not to disturb ((trust me,notes don't work)) and an old clock in machine for the desk so I can punch my time) and all shall be good.
Incidentally, for my bee keeping project, those who know me from further afield than people I grew up with / uni (Fraser, Kyle, Gav... I'm looking at you if you've still got this on RSS...) send me a message on facebook... I need some help and there'll be some cool shit in it for you!
And before I nerd out, I'd like to thank Gemma. Hun you will never know how much of an inspiration you can be sometimes. Even if you are the most indecisive procrastinator i've ever met =) <3
To end on a cool thing, ordered one of these badboys. No word of a lie, I nearly cried with joy when I saw it in Juxtapoz earlier....
http://www.incubot.com/usbs.html
Tomorrow - Work of the past 3 weeks...
M x
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